A bubble about to burst...

It has been almost a month now since I stopped taking any of my two antidepressants...It seems I'm experiencing my first withdrawal symptoms...I've suffered from depressive episodes so many times, yet it always feels like it's the first time...I almost forgot how hard the struggle was, but I soon let myself sink in the sea of those familiar emotions: the racing thougts, the anger, the sadness, the tears, the physical weakness resulting from a crashing brain...the loneliness, locked in the dark world of the emotions nobody can't seem to perceive nor understand...Yesterday was horrible and I thought I was taking a one-way flight to hell...I wanted to break things and harm myself...my anger bubble was about to burst...Today I woke up with a sore throat and a headache...Disgusted because I really don't need a physical illness coupled with the mental one! not these days...I have an internship report to submit by the end of the month, and my first mission to focus on starting tomorrow...I woke up late, ate...went back to sleep...then forced myself to wake up as I expected C. to call me anytime when she arrives. I was glad to go out and go to the movie's. Haven't been there for quite a while. We watched "99F", a slightly political movie against the abuses of the advertising industry, but presented in an entertaining and unusual way for a french movie...humour mixed with shocking excessive but real behaviours...worth watching...My head is still aching, reminding me of my illness...I exchanged few words with my relatives...Mum also struggling with mood swings, Dad exhausted by work. D. wouldn't bother to talk to me...which is fine with me and which is may be better this way nowadays...He doesn't seem to realize what's at stake...I feel strangely quiet today and I don't feel like entering conflicts...I'm disappointed though...